Your Beard Madness Champion

The bets have been made. The games have been played. The facial hair has been displayed. And the Beard Madness champion is...Dad in the Early '80s! It was a riveting tournament, with many hairy moments. Here are some of the highlights.

Round one: Dumbledore and Gandalf go into overtime. Gandalf is cheered on by more fervently nerdy fans, but Dumbledore is victorious when his beard sells more books. Meanwhile, Kenny Rogers forfeits after testing positive for beard-enhancing drugs. Round Two: Jesus defeats Darwin. This should not be seen as a triumph of religion over science. Instead, it's a victory for proper beard maintenance. Darwin was just so unkempt. Semifinals: Dad defeats Fidel Castro, as Castro's cigar explodes in the final seconds, causing extensive facial hair damage. A massive upset! The finals: J.K. Rowling got it wrong. Snape did not defeat Dumbledore - Dad in the Early '80s defeated Dumbledore. Here's the final bracket: